Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Finding strength to love my postpartum pregnancy body

I've been deciding whether or not to share this for several months, not because how others will think but because how I feel. I'm showing you my vulnerable side but honestly I feel like I'm also being more honest with you all and I really want to do that through my blog, I want you to learn who I am, , to know how I really feel and relate to others on different subjects. So her it goes my first "open" post.

I've been struggling with something  lately and that's been my weight. As you can tell in the title of this blog post I'm trying to find strength to love my post pregnancy body. I know I know I just had a baby almost a year ago , I should relax right? Well I ain't doing that and I'm digging deep to find strength within myself to love my new body.

Before I go into this I want to mention that I am beyond blessed that I was able to have my little boy , I would do it a thousand more times, heck I miss labor (not the contraction) but seeing Mason's for the first time! It was a beautiful experience and I loved seeing my bump grow and grow. During pregnancy I didn't think about my weight, since I knew that Mason was growing and my body was making room for a baby to arrive, and let's be honest the cravings were necessary right? I mean I was having to feed another human and because I was so sick with morning sickness I felt the need to eat more since It was so hard to keep anything down! I was told that after having Mason I would still look pregnant and again I was okay with that, my body needed to adjust no longer having a baby and well all my internal body parts needed to be put back in its rightful place haha. Well it's summer time and I don't go out to much since i just wanted to stay inside and soak it all in having a newborn, and plus it was so hot outside that I didn't want to be miserable lol. So I told myself when it gets cooler I will workout again, well that didn't happen, I kept telling myself I would but didn't , I kept going on walks everyday and then one bad weather day seemed to ruin it and my routine would be thrown off. I kept hearing that oh it can take 9 months to work off your post baby body since you carried a baby for 9 months.... that didn't happen. I cannot tell you how much I kept telling myself that okay baby weight is hard to lose your fine. But to be honest It's harder than it seems. Never have I felt just dislike for body and didn't know why I was feeling this way since hello I just had a baby , he's healthy and so am I, what's the problem?

I saw the stretch marks thinking why haven't they gone away? I still have a pouch. I looked back at old photos from highschool or pre-baby and thought wow look how skinny I was, look at my soccer and track days. I kept remembering how my body use to look like before having a baby and it wasn't good. I mean we all miss things in our life but what if that is preventing us from seeing what it is now? I felt like I was being consumed by celebrity moms bouncing back from having a baby. Silly I know. But it's true!

It's so hard in this day in age to not compare yourself to others around you, I thought well if that mom looks great after pregnancy why cant I. I was in this state of denial as to why my body wasn't looking the way I wanted it to. I know it was my fault as well though, I procrastinated working out and I know not having a good diet didn't help either... but to be honest all my mind could think about was one sentence... "Why don't I look the way I use to." For some reason I didn't get why this sentence couldn't magically rant itself...My inner thought would say hurtful things about how I looked on the outside.. "You have so many stretch marks", "You're not pretty enough" and so on.. for the first time I felt hurt by my own words.

One day around a month ago, I heared and finally believed three special words, "You are Beautiful"Since struggling with how I felt with my body post mason, my husband would always try to lift me up with his words of affirmation telling me I was beautiful, but a month ago my brain and my heart finally matched up with what my husband had been saying all this time, "You are Beautiful". Yes I just had a baby a year ago, Look at him... he is healthy and the most happiest boy I have ever laid my eyes upon! So what if I have stretch marks, they will go away some day and if they don't that's okay because guess what?! You had a baby! Don't compare yourself how other moms look, your body is uniquely beautiful, and all of us moms no matter how we look after having a baby, are beautiful!

My all of a sudden loving my postpartum body didn't happen the next day, but it took week and months to loving it. I had to find strength for myself to love the new beautiful body I had now, to love my skin and to not judge how it looked. I was and am proud of the beautiful journey I was able to go with mason, I cannot tell you how much I love being a mother, it has strengthen me in way I didn't think I could find strength within myself. He has made me into the person I want to be. He has opened my eyes to see more beauty and happiness, just like how he sees it in his eyes. I am one blessed mother, I couldn't emphasize that anymore!

Sure it can be hard to love our bodies after having a baby, it make take days, weeks, months or years, but I promise you if you take a moment to look at your little miracle(s) you just may understand how I now feel. You are beautiful, you survived pregnancy, and you have a beautiful child! You go momma! Try to not stress about how your body looks like right now, don't look at other moms and how they look, don't fall into pressure about how and when you will lose the stretch marks or the weight, just be the best emotionally and physically healthy you can be, and love the bundle of joy you have in your arms. As for me and continuing to love my postpartum body, I've been eating and feeling healthier, we go on more runs and i'll do these

workouts not to get my post baby body back but to feel great again and love my new body. If you ever feel like you need some words of encouragement or want to share your love for your body post baby feel free to send me a message on my social media channels, or comment below! Love you all beautiful mommas!

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Masons One Year Birthday Party

Can you believe is one years old already!? Wasn't I just posting his birth story?! I cannot believe my little Mason is a year old, he has grown so much in this year and we've created endless memories that are going to cherish forever. If you've been reading masons monthly updates, I've sharing how I've been talking about his birthday party for months! Seriously you guys, I love party planning and it always seems to be 10x better when there's a theme, am I right? Thanks to pinterest, I finally picked out a theme I wanted to do for mason and that was "Time Flies", and airplane theme. I love the little message about it and the several party crafts you could do as well.

The week of his birthday, I honestly looked at all the photos of Mason and just teared up of how handsome my little guy is and how much hes grown, we've watched all the silly adorable videos that we've taken over the last 12 months and just laughed, teared up, and mostly smiled of our little boy.

Mason woke up at almost 8am and we filled his crib with balloons in which he just played and stared at them haha, we gave him lots of kisses and hugs and I may have shed a tear or two of my boy actually being a one year old, haha oh mommy emotions. We gave mason some pancakes and fruit for his breakfast, played and down he went for his first nap. During his first nap I finalized getting all the little details ready for his birthday. Family started to arrive around 4pm and it was so great seeing some close friends of mine who've been there for me for every step of the way in pregnancy or in masons life which I couldn't ask for better friends. My dad flew in from California and we loved seeing him and having him spend time with mason (their bond is unbelievable), and we also had all of rex's family join us as well and a few of masons buddies as well.

Since it was over 90 degrees that day and I had known that for a while, we decided to do a barbecue and lay tables and blankets outside. It truly was the perfect day, nice weather and no cloud in sight! We had yummy hamburgers, hot dogs, salad, and some yummy treats! We opened masons gifts before him having his cake (good call Liz) and we got so many great gifts (Thanks everyone) mason loves all his clothes and summer toys, I think rex was excited about one gift in particular which was a bike trailer that we will be using a lot this summer!

It was time to do the cake smash in which I was so excited about just because it's a cute little moment I've been looking forward to. Mason at first didn't know what to do but once he got his hands in there, he was in full active with that cake and as you can see, it pretty much ended up all over his hands, mouth, shirt, hair, and on a few cousins too haha. I think he mostly like the frosting, wouldn't you agree? Guys, I'm also in love with how masons one year birthday cake turned out.. I mean look at the cake beauty! Thank you to my wonderful friend Emerlie who also did my baby shower cupcakes but also for creating such a yummy and beautiful cake for masons big day (I'll link her site below). It was so delicious!

We also had family and friends fill out little words of advice, memories, and hopes for mason that he will open on his 18th birthday, and I got very teary eyed when I read them!

At the end of the party we of course let mason play with all of his new toys, one of the toys he got was a water table which is perfect for summer and well all of his cousins joined in and you should of seen how happy and full of energy mason was, he laughed every time someone would splash and he would look up at his older cousins and just have this look of "your fun, I love you" haha but really he loves his cousins and wants to be a big boy just like them. So he ended up being completely soaked and had the most fun time ever! He had so much fun that by the time it was time for him to sleep, he fell hard asleep!
I hope I'm not forgetting anything about his birthday, because then ill just add it when I remember. Thank you to all who wished Mason a happy 1st birthday and to the family and friends who traveled miles to come to his party! We love our full of sunshine, happy, joy(es), silly, handsome, caring, gentle little boy and we cant wait to see what this next year brings and all the memories we'll make together! We love you Mason and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Also I 'm bummed I wont be doing these monthly updates anymore, maybe I'll do one every 6 months but I love posting his monthly updates here and taking a photo each month, but I do love that I can now go back and see how much he's grown each month, so here's to the last monthly update:/

  • 100% Walker boy now
  • Extremely Independent (doesn't want to hold hands unless he needs help lol)
  • Loves Banana's
  • Loves playing in his pool and water table
  • Loves going to parks and going down slides by himself
  • Can give kisses
  • Loves dancing 
  • 24 pounds
  • Thinks its funny when someone jumps, falls, or spins
  • Loves helping momma with the dishes

Thursday, June 1, 2017

A letter to my one year old

I'm currently sitting on my couch, just finished decorating some cloud decorations, and watch the NBA Finals, and all I can think about is how my little Mason is turning one years old in two days....TWO DAYS! It honestly gets my emotional just thinking about it. It's mixed emotions really, both happy and not exactly sad but missing him being a newborn and so little. I decided to create a little letter for mason so here it goes!

Dear my little Mason,

You've changed mommies life so much its hard to put in words but here it goes. I love you so much, you've showed me a new definition of love. A selfless love and a love that never ends but keeps growing. You've strengthen me in many ways. You've made me such a blessed and proud mother, even though your turning one this weekend, you've made me a proud mother and shown me to appreciate the little things in life and to always be grateful.

I remember your first little butterfly kicks you gave me when you were in mommas belly and the excitement I kept gaining every time I heard your heart beat or saw you on the ultrasound monitor. I remember your first smile and how you would look up at me and knew instantly the love we shared. I remember your first coo and  how you would with your little toes to scoot and try your best to crawl. I remember when you sat up for the first time and even your first little tooth, how you were in such discomfort and how I held you so tight and gave you all the kisses to help distract the little pain you were feeling from teething. Remember how you said mom for your first time and I jumped with joy that, that was your first word. I remember the silly face you made with confusion yet liking to when you had your first taste of baby food. How you felt asleep in my arms, so peaceful and melted my heart.

Since you were little I knew the personality and person you were going to be. You were going to be someone to change lives, not only to me and your dad, but to your family, friends, but to the world! Your smile says it all, it truly does mason. I don't think we've gone on one trip or grocery run where you haven't not smiled at someone and engage in attention with someone, instantly making them smile. I remember when we were on our flight to California and you were 5 months old and you kept smiling and making eye attention to the flight attendant. How me and her engaged in conversation about you and how you kept smiling and her telling me, she hasn't had someone smile to her the way you did in a while. That's just it mason, you are going to change lives. You have so much happiness and I hope you continue to find happiness. I hope you always strive and never give up. 
Lastly your dad and I are beyond blessed to call you our son. Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for always keeping us on our toes and always making us smile or laugh. This year may have flown by but we are tremendously excited to see what this next year has in store for you, to see you grow and to create more beautiful memories with you! The days may be long, but the years are short so I will continue to remember and hold onto you being this little and enjoy every single second. Happy almost birthday my Mason! I love you forever and ever and will always love you!
Your mommy